This security lady got grumpy at me because I was taking pictures with my phone. She came running up to me asking “Do you have a photo license? Then no pictures!” She followed me around until I left the building too, she was nutty. This was the picture I got in Prague Castle before she yelled at me
Apparently this is where the giant Stalin monument used to be, until they blew it up in the 60s. Now there’s a giant metronome. And graffiti, lots of graffiti
Looking at hostel prices in Prague holy hell this place is cheap. less than €10 for a hostel room per night. This should be a nice time
Everyone else here already got their head start on Spring Break travels, but I’ve finally got my stuff booked. Looking forward to a week-long trip to Berlin and Prague
Feeling seriously depressed and still having the mental restraint to not do any “drastic measures” to fix it is like hell. Your mind reminds you of how much of a failure you are, how you’ll never amount to anything in life, how you shouldn’t even fucking try because anything you do will end in failure, yet your mind doesn’t let you take the “other way” out.
My first time around with this was last spring semester. About halfway through the semester my grades, at least to me, looked like shit. And then the mental pressure I put on myself when it comes to college started to weigh down on me. I remember having suicidal thoughts daily. Most of the time the thoughts were jumping off of the roof of the CULC, since my hours of studying that always ended in failure usually happened in there. I went to therapy at the counseling center for a few months. My therapist was a nice person: she actually got her bachelor degree from Xavier University in New Orleans, a little slice of home in the midst of my misery. And she was actually very helpful, she really got me through that semester (finished with a 3.17 too). At the end of the semester, she told me about the group therapy that the school offered, since more one-to-one visits would’ve needed me to go to a more “qualified” therapist. My social anxiety didn’t like that idea at all: I am horribly self-conscious, so putting me with a group of people that would probably be judging me the whole time, and if I ran into someone I knew there I would have to explain myself is a terrible idea. I kindly told her I would think about it with my parents (I’ve never told my parents about any of this).
Last semester was better. There were brief moments of those thoughts, but for the most part what my therapist helped me with actually did work. I felt like I was close to a panic attack during a couple of exams, but that’s pretty tame for me in cases like that.
And this semester had been going so well. But now those same thoughts are back. And this time I’m well aware that I’ll probably finish with a 3.5+ GPA this semester, and I get to tour around the most historic places in Europe. But my mind wants to make sure I know I’ll never amount to anything, that I’m a worthless human being who will quickly be forgotten after death, that no one will ever love me or care about me. And it just doesn’t make sense. I can identify where some of this is wrong, but the thoughts won’t stop. I seriously don’t know why. All I can hope for is that I can distract myself for long enough so that they go away.
So I was wondering what the city flag for Metz is. Apparently it’s this. Such fancy, many effort, wow